Lessons from the pauses: Facilitating a Heart-fuelled circle
Written by Clarice Song
Facilitator of the Good Work Design Circle <Doors to Possibilities>
What an audacity I had—introducing a format that demanded vulnerability and finesse with a group of 20 who barely knew each other.
There were doubts in my head. It had been a good eight years since I last did this.
I pulled two of my teammates aside an hour before it was about to begin.
“Should I be doing it? What about the inner-outer circle format instead of the fishbowl?”
One reasoned with me, “The danger with inner-outer circle is that it might become an ‘advice-giving’ session.”
That hit home—it would be just as much, if not more, a disservice. I agreed wholeheartedly.
Okay. I stood my ground. Let’s carry on.
A quick scan of the room, a deep breath in and out, and I was once again assured by what I sensed of the group.
We called “START”. Not before a round of Zip-Zap-Zop, which was very much needed after lunch.
The session was scaffolded. Pre-work had been done, where participants were asked to identify their tensions ahead of time.
Four were called out. Three were chosen to be explored in the next few hours, through dot voting and a post-it reflection on why they chose what they did:
Staying with what’s familiar — Exploring new grounds
Figuring out who I am — Meeting others' expectations
Job (that pays the bills) — Career (that brings meaning)
Four sturdy wooden chairs, backs facing each other, were placed in the center of the circle. These were the fishes.
Sixteen other chairs formed an outer circle—story listeners and witnesses to the fishes’ reflections.
It flowed for an hour, albeit with pauses of many kinds.
Granted, it was hard to translate thoughts into words or curiosity into questions.
Still, many responded to the call: this was a perspective-collecting exercise, not an aunt agony advice column.
We offered questions in service of helping the fishes reframe.
We read back what seemed to matter to them.
We posed questions gently, earnestly.
Some really powerful ones:
How does it feel to be empowered to do this?
How did you make that decision despite ___?
I hear this ___. Are you actually seeking change, or are you okay with it?
I wonder what this ___ means for you?
Occasionally, advice crept in—but less overtly.
I paraphrased:
Do something that scares you.
Just remember, there are seasons and stages in life.
I was once like that too. Maybe you can try this.
Sometimes they'd soften it with, “Perhaps you could…”
Politeness and care were present. I couldn’t ask for more. This was, after all, only four hours into knowing one another.
What followed was a small group breakout with time spent with their coaches. A more intimate time to dive deeper.
I was proud of what the coaches offered the group.
They stood up and volunteered to hold micro-conversations that served the room.
“What would our coaches like to offer?” I asked an open invitation for them to make a statement before participants approached them.
Their responses?
“…make your LinkedIn go viral!”
“…less mechanical, more human.”
“…experiments!!”
“…risk management.”
“…a listening ear.” (Awww.)
A solid 45 minutes followed before we wrapped.
And I’ll end this long post with the line that stood out to me the most:
“I found clarity. I didn’t paste my post-it, even though I had written it. (Referring to the fishbowl precursor activity.)
But as I was writing it, I found the answers to my own tension and it changed how I saw things. I’m glad I came to that.”
Perhaps the many pauses I noticed weren’t just out of politeness.
They may have been quiet moments of alignment and personal AHA.
Thank you.
