Relentless but not Heartless in his Quest
written by: Clarice Song
Almost a week into our chat with Jason, the half behind Beng Who Cooks, dropped a text in the middle of the evening proclaiming his resoluteness at what he wanted his feature to be focused on. I was pretty glad he did. Though, it was not as if I needed his declaration to proceed. With what was captured and transcribed, it was pretty obvious we were pretty aligned.
transcript from our WhatsApp exchanges
The Pay-As-You-Deem-Fit Aglio Olio
Jason needed no further introduction, with almost thirty features in his bag, most of it of his food and how he started, I was equally resolute in wanting to explore another facet of who he really was or cared about. The attempt was to set up the conversation away from his stall but that failed because ‘85% of the time I’m at work, 10% I am at home. 5% I am doing grocery but still for work.’ So, it was no surprised we ended up at Hong Lim Food Centre on a Saturday.
‘I’m cooking aglio olio that day, you girls want? Pay as you deem fit, mushroom aglio olio. 12 o’clock be good.’
And so, 12 o’clock it was. But it didn’t start off exactly on the dot, we were first treated to his food, apparently a dish he was prototyping and experimenting, also a necessary element for progress we would soon hear from him in a bit. Him and his other half – Zhen Long, of which also an interesting read (link ZL’s story), were in the kitchen deeply focused. What surrounded the tables around them were friends of the boys. I, too, learned were one of the rare few Jason still includes into his life. After filling eight hungry tummies, he finally came over asking ‘How long will this interview take?’ And that was how we got started.
Of Tattoos, Scars and Dark Energies
Tattoos is a significant feature of Jason’s identity, at least visually. Trying to be innovative in our questions, we prodded him to narrate a story of his life using the tattoos on him. What we got in turn was ‘Uh.. My tattoos basically have no meaning at all, it’s just design and art, and a mark of rebellious and self-achievement, and to cover scars lah, not bad scars, burnt scars and mosquitoes bites…’ Not exactly what we were expecting.
His first – a star, at the age of sixteen, was stupid and ugly he said. It was also the one that got him chased out of his house and where he took shelter under the arms of his grandmother. The one he still deeply care about – ‘I still give her money till today!’ The ability to provide for is how Jason’s expresses his love.
And so, it was a passing phase, an addiction, part to cover scars, part design and art. Now older, he proclaimed that he was probably not going to get another because of the dark energies it brings. Business and earning money are now mainstay goals of Jason’s. Because of that, tattoos which were said to attract dark energies from a medium they consult were advised against.
And then it was of Addiction on Repeat
Tattoos were not his only addiction. If I daresay, Jason thrives on a particular adrenaline that acts as a rush of dopamine throughout his lives. Consider this—Jason became committed to boxing at a young age of 16, a sport that takes discipline and focus, Jason even went as far as saying that he had stopped making friends through his 10 years into the sport. He was unabashed to admit that ‘some bridges slow you down’ and even went further to share that ‘they were a burden’
At 23, an epiphany hit Jason and made him realized that life was too short. Remember when he was kicked out of his home and had to stay with his grandmother? That was probably his first dopamine boost from the thrill of being able to depend on oneself. He cited that it was also then that he came to understand what abandonment felt like- ‘no one wanted to stay with him when he was in trouble’. Jason grew to be highly independent, with each problem resolved and each tasked accomplished, his addiction of himself grew.
The initiation of Beng Who Cooks continued this trend. When he realized that boxing could not take him far should he want to start a family and have kids, cooking was his next source. If you were wondering, how this alludes to his addiction trait, or dopamine quest- consider this again—14-16 hours standing on your feet; possibly without any meals in between for the first three months. And in Jason’s life, that also means coming to terms with polarities in his life, or the guilt he’d have to live with. ‘sorry I don’t have the time for you but thank you for loving me even though I am a heartless person.’
Self Fulfilment and Family- Here’s the Real Deal
Since young, Jason knew he would never be happy working for others, he was clear that he wanted to be self-employed. And he did it. There was no need for role models or other sources of motivation, he just needed to get up and get it done. Getting things done was his indicator that he was moving forward. Jason does not welcome complacency, laziness nor stagnancy. Life’s too short to stay in the center. ‘I am addicted to moving forward... I don’t think I would retire; I hate retiring, I want to move forward till I die.’
But here’s the check and balance life throw you; Jason soon realized his desire for his business to grow now meant that he had to build a team alongside him. Something that he is still learning. He also realized that his relentless pursuit for progress and money stemmed from his desire to provide for his family. ‘I tell myself since young I want to bring my family, my grandma overseas, i want to bring my wife overseas, I want to pay for the trip everything, that’s what I am seeking the money I until I have enough to bring them overseas, without them having to fork out anything but to me that goal is still very far la.’
How Next for The Relentless
Relentless, perhaps, heartless, maybe not. When Jason shed light that chefs were on the leaderboard of well-being issues and depression, I could see how through Jason’s life. His constant pursuit for excellence, their dedication at acing in such a subjective industry leaves no room for idle. Evidently in the guilt he imposed upon himself and having money or rather the ability to provide as his marker, I wonder where this will lead him, or as a matter of fact, chefs around the world, what happens when they can’t, would they crash?
Surprisingly, I did not walk away feeling worried despite it all. It is hard to explain but reflecting back to the final few scenes at Hong Lim where we concluded the interview. I saw Jason back into his flow preparing the food for the following week, bantering with fellow store owners beside his, throwing back antics at the friends whose tummies were just filled with his aglio olio. To be able to be true to his beliefs and principles and yet learn to welcome others alongside him could pretty much be the future of him and Beng Who Cooks.
Concluding this in his reply of what Be Bold Be You meant to him- he said ‘Freedom and the way you speak. If you feel like it says it, if you want to do something do it, and don’t do it half-heartedly. In order to be brave and bold right, you cannot do anything halfway, if you do it halfway, it’s just a sense of temptation, it’s just because friends are doing it, it’s just influence.